mirrorsaphoenix | musing_way Week 86 : Failure In Communication

I used to be really good at communication. Before the accident and everything about my life changed, I was able to verbalize just about anything I wanted to. I was involved in everything and certainly never had a problem letting my thoughts or opinions be known. I was never considered shy or quiet or anything like that. I kept a journal, but that wasn't a sign of how introspective I was. I just had always kept one.

Then the accident happened and I survived when my parents didn't. I know I withdrew a lot from people and I even broke up with Matt. The whole near death thing made me realize that I wanted something different than what I was already doing.

When I met Stefan, I thought that he was the one I was supposed to be with. He seemed to arrive in town right when I needed someone that was stronger than I was. I loved him. I thought I was in love with him.

I was wrong and I knew that when I first met Damon.

Damon wasn't what I would have considered safe, but I know now that I never wanted that. I wanted someone to love me for me, and who trusts me enough to talk to me. I needed someone who believed in me enough to let me stand on my own and to be honest with me.

I don't know when it exactly was that I realized that it was Damon I had fallen in love with. I know that it was close to the time I wrecked my car and we took that road trip. It was fun and I wasn't worried about keeping up appearances. I also knew that no matter what was happening, Damon would keep me safe.

The problem was that I was still with Stefan and I didn't want to hurt him.

That led to stupidity and me hurting Damon instead -- which was something I had never wanted to do.

I love Damon. I'm in love with Damon. I can't imagine not having him in my life.

But I think that one stupid, stupid failure in my communication skills may have ruined any chance I may have had with him.

He's the Salvatore I want to be with. It was never Stefan and always Damon.

I was just too stupid to say it.

And I lost him.

Muse: Elena Gilbert
Fandom: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Words: 400
Disclaimer: I am not Elena Gilbert, nor am I Nina Dobrev. Elena is a character created by writer LJ Smith, and Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec and Nina Dobrev bring her to life on the TV series