musing_way Week #78 : Passenger

Passenger by the Deftones


I feel like a passenger in my own life lately. I’m a passenger who doesn't really get to make many decisions about where we're going. It just seems like everything that is happening nowadays is because of Katherine or because of something she orchestrated a long time ago. Even when I try to take control and make the decisions myself, something goes horribly wrong. Jenna either gets compelled to stab herself -- or Katherine hires a witch to do a spell that links the two of us together. Damon tried to kill her and rid us all of her and her threat to people's lives. The problem was that whatever they did to her would happen to me, too. They couldn't risk staking her because it would have killed me, too. If Jeremy hadn't gotten to Damon and Stefan the night of the masquerade, I would be dead. Until Bonnie or someone else can figure out a way to break what she did, I have to stay linked to her. If anything happens to her, it will happen to me. Rather than protecting my family from her, I and the people I love are forced to keep her alive and run the risk of her causing more trouble.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way ready to die any time soon. I just don't like the idea that we have to keep someone so dangerous safe because it could cost me my life. I hate that the others have to go through this, but more than anything, I hate that Damon has to go through this. If I could save him the pain and conflict of all of this mess, I would. He, of all people, doesn't deserve to be hurt any more by Katherine. It's not right that he has to be on guard duty for me or for her all of the time. It's not right that she gets to keep doing things to rub against the scars and the wounds she's already caused him.

Only now, I'm helping to hurt him and I hate that more than anything. I love him, and it's because of me that this is happening. I want to be back in the driver's seat of my life so that I could at least control one thing and make it stop.

But I’m too much of a coward to do the one thing that would save him and all of the rest of us. Because, I know without a doubt, that the only thing that would free the people I love from the threat of Katherine and anyone who is loyal to her would be my own death.

I’m not that brave.




Muse: Elena Gilbert
Fandom: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Words: 450
Disclaimer: I am not Elena Gilbert, nor am I Nina Dobrev. Elena is a character created by writer LJ Smith, and Kevin Williamson, Julie Plec and Nina Dobrev bring her to life on the TV series